Hunter's Pictures

I decided to share Hunter's pictures with my family yesterday. I sent out an email letting everyone know that I had the pictures and if they'd like to see them to let me know.

At first, I couldn't look at the pictures, the first time I did look I started sobbing. Each consecutive time after that got easier and easier and now I have to look at them every day as often as I can. Now instead of seeing the sick baby, I see the healthy child he could of been. Once I got past the initial shock, I noticed he had my nose and my husband Pat's shaped face/jawbone. It makes it harder because instead of seeing a sick dead baby, I see our child and what we lost. This gave me the need to share the pictures with everyone else. I have the same need to share our creation as any other parent of a healthy baby would.

It was somewhat difficult because I was scared of rejection. How would I feel if they didn't want to see him? I am now immune to the pictures. I love them, they are my most valuable possession but my family may need more time, they may feel the way I felt in the beginning. But I have to share them, or at least let them make the decision. I can't make the decision for them, he's their grandson, nephew, cousin etc. Maybe they really want to see him.

Time will tell. So far the response has been good. I sent the pictures to several people yesterday. A good friend thanked me for sharing, he is beautiful she said.