Today was my 2nd Monday back to work. This week will be a full week. I lucked out on my first week back, we had Friday off for the 4th. It's slow... they're easing me back into things. I spend my spare time googling everything and anything about my loss and my hopeful future pregnancy. Infections, causes for infections, VBACS, risks of VBACS, uterine rupture, estimated due dates. I'm constantly searching for answers but always come up short. I'm missing something. They're aren't answers for everything. There is no answer to why me.
It's scary. I've had complete faith in doctors but now I'm realizing you can't put all your trust in them. You have to watch out for yourself too. You have to question them and their authority. Keep them on their toes. No one knows your body better than yourself and if you don't feel right about it then say something. Just because they're a doctor doesn't mean they know everything. That's my biggest regret.
Why didn't I have this information when I needed it? Why did I insist on living in a bubble for so long?
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